A New Start.

Before the world stopped and pressed paused for what seemed like a lifetime, most of us had plans ,we were optimistic,we had hope for the future ,we were excited. While it isn’t easy to start again,to rethink everything you thought was going to be back in 2020,we have to now begin to work towards that direction once again. lt is however important to acknowledge that having the privilege to be able to remagine our future is something special and has not been an option for everyone. I do consider myself extremely lucky & fortunate. With this in mind I am taking my time and not rushing into too much right now. Implementing even more change at this point could set me back and I would like to keep the positivity flowing for as long as possible.

I have suffered with the physical symptoms of the anxiety more so recently due to a few different things, feeling very overwhelmed in the first few months of my new job,but now i have settled in a few things in my personal/family life have really knocked me. I worry for the health of my parents & husband alot and although I know I have no control over these sorts of things it doesn’t stop it from keeping me up at night. Not being able to see a doctor for love nor money has not helped during these trying times either. So moving forward I would really like to address these worries ,maybe even begin talking theapries again.

Prioritising yourself is something that does not come naturally to us all so when we feel run down,tired or just not ourselves we have to take extra care to put ourselves first. Even though I am reluctant to make too many plans right now I have been trying to do things every now and again that make me happy and feed my soul, weather that be going for a coffee or just having a lazy day at home with my husband. Dont get me wrong attempting to quiet those demons can be hard when you feel exhausted and uninspired. We don’t always have to have the answers though ,it’s important to remember we are human,it’s alright to take time to figure things out. It’s that pressure that will cause us to crumble or burn out. So many times I’ve tired to push myself when I had nothing left inside. Setting time aside to recharge you batteries, doing things that make you feel good is the best thing we can do even if it means cancelling plans.

Having faith & hope isn’t easy when you have had all your confidence ripped away battling depression at the same time also does not help. What I realised was that my previous job had really done a number on me and as a result has made me rethink how I see myself. Years of feeling under appreciated, worthless,like a spare part has had long term effects but I want to work on them and hopefully reverse them somehow. Resetting any negative thoughts you had about yourself or at least learning how accept but ignore such thoughts is difficult, it takes years to adjust to a different behaviour and sometimes we need help with this. Meditation,medication whatever that may be that helps you It’s not a bad thing to need help or to admit to needing support. Personally I am still taking medication to treat my anxiety and I have done for years,although I did not want to rely of medication and it was not supposed to be longterm ,I admit now that I do need it to function and it does stop me from having constant panic attacks.

I really do want to address my other health issues though and take control of what is still affecting me and my ability to cope day to day. Making a few goals for the near future is enough right now. Making it a priority to rest & recharge is at the top of my list. Let’s hope i can stick to this,fingers crossed!

A little picture of a lovely coffee date with my beautiful husband 💞

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